Conversation

Abed: Well I'm new at this, so can we start a real conversation?

Jeff: I believe there's no such thing. Conversation was invented by humans to conceal reality. We use it to sweet talk our way around natural selection. You know who has real conversations? Ants. They talk, by vomiting chemicals into each other's mouths. They get down to brass tacks -- BLUEARGHHHHH Which way's the picnic? BLUEARGHHHHH That way! -- Human's are more evolved. They lie.

Abed: Not all the time.

Jeff: That's a lie.

Abed: We don't lie when we're alone.

Jeff: Biggest lie ever. 9 out of 10 lies occur 6 inches away from our bathroom mirror. We do MOST of our lying alone.

Abed: How is that even possible to lie when you're alone?

Jeff: You can call a phone sex line. That's lying to yourself.

Abed: No that's being honest with a stranger about being lonely.

Jeff: What if you're being dishonest about why you're being lonely. What if you're a good-looking guy who calls a phone sex line and tells them he weighs 400 pounds just so he can hear a woman say she's attracted to him anyway?

Abed: I don't believe that happens.

Jeff: WRONG! That's me -- I did that last week.

Abed: Wh--Why would you pay a woman on the phone to think you're fat?

Jeff: Because I'm scared if I were overweight that no one would like me. God, that feels good to admit.

Community, Critical Film Studies (S02E19)